Having a miscarriage can be distressing, confusing, and traumatic. Afterward, many women feel unsure of how to talk about their experience—or whether they even should.
If you or someone you know has recently had a miscarriage, here are three tips to keep in mind that can make it a little easier, while ideally providing some comfort and helping to dispel the stigma still surrounding the subject.
1. Don’t be afraid to be direct.
Whether you yourself have experienced a miscarriage or someone you love has, it can be hard to know how to address it. Do you tip-toe around it? Wait for someone else to ask the hard questions? When you’re in need of support or someone else is seeking comfort, it’s usually best to be direct.
Be honest and open about your experience and the emotions that come along with it; this will signal to others that the topic is not off limits. Likewise, if someone you know seems to need a friend, don’t wait for her to bring it up. Show her that you’re there to listen, and be forthright in asking how she is doing. You don’t need to offer solutions. Just be a good listener and remember that what she’s going through is likely very complicated, emotionally and physically.
2. Remember that grief can last more than a few weeks.
In the days and weeks right after a miscarriage, people are usually eager to offer their support and condolences, but fast-forward a couple of months, and you may begin to feel as though everyone has forgotten what you’ve been through.
For many women, the feeling of loss following a miscarriage lasts for months or years—and sometimes a lifetime. Keep this in mind for yourself as well as others; be gentle with yourself, and remember that there’s no “normal” amount of time to experience heartache over a miscarriage. Everyone reacts differently. If you need to talk about your experience a few months or years down the line, do so. Those who love you will want to support you, and it will serve as a reminder for them that there’s no time limit on grief.
3. Reflect on your feelings.
It’s completely normal—and helpful—to turn to others for support after experiencing a miscarriage. However, don’t forget to take some time to process your emotions on your own.
If you’ve been hesitant to share your feelings or open up to others, taking some time to yourself can help you better navigate your emotions and eventually get to a place where you feel more comfortable leaning on others. Or if you have been talking to people a lot but haven’t had much time alone, this can be a very powerful, effective way to sort through your emotions and start to heal. Find what works for you, whether it’s journaling, meditation, keeping active, being in nature, or a long bath. Practice self-care, and try to accept the various emotions you’re feeling. It’s all part of the healing process.
If you’ve recently experienced a miscarriage and are in need of support, or have questions or concerns regarding attempting to get pregnant again, the compassionate team at Fertility Solutions is here to help. Get in touch today.